


(when you're outside looking in) you belong to someone

by bobina



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Mutual Pining, this is a daxamite-free zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-17 18:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13083051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobina/pseuds/bobina
Summary: Alex coming out makes Kara finally realize the nature of her feelings for Cat.





	(when you're outside looking in) you belong to someone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Melime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/gifts).



> Happy holidays to all, but most especially to [Melime](melimegreenleaf.tumblr.com)! Thanks for the great prompts! I hope I do it justice.
> 
> Title from Brandi Carlile's _Looking Out_ , though really the entire "Giving Up the Ghost" album is good for SuperCat feels.

The soft glow of the television casts Alex’s living room in shadows and light that dance and play along the walls. The rain outside taps on the windows, distorting the dialogue and score of the film playing until Kara finds her attention, not for the first time that night, pulling away. Her eyes follow the shadows around the room, and she smiles softly at the single string of white decorative lights along the crown molding, the only sign that her sister has acknowledged the holiday season.

Alex shifts above her and Kara turns her head, watching as Maggie murmurs something in her sister’s ear, watching the smile inch across Alex’s mouth and into her eyes. Kara wonders if she’s ever seen her sister so happy, so content. She wonders if she’ll ever meet someone that makes her feel the way Alex feels for Maggie. She lets her mind wander down that path as she watches Alex pull Maggie closer, imagines a certain someone pulling _her_ closer into their arms. The face she sees in her mind’s eye is not the one she was expecting and she gasps, shifting against the back of the couch and turning her eyes back to the TV. She scowls at the happy couple sharing a moment on screen.

“Kara? You okay?” James’ voice is warm and familiar and she turns to him, blinking, takes in his concerned frown and kind eyes.

Her smile is close-lipped and a little forced, but she nods and he smiles back before returning his gaze to the movie.

She could’ve been happy with James, for a little while. But he never made her smile the way Maggie makes Alex smile and she wonders how long they really would’ve lasted if she hadn’t broken things off so soon. She likes them better as friends, feels less pressure and less obligation that way.

The movie plays in the background and her eyes are again drawn to Alex and Maggie on the long end of the couch. They fit together the same way her parents fit together, the same way Jeremiah and Eliza fit together. She watches as Alex shifts her arm and Maggie burrows deeper into her side and Kara has to look away because they’re speaking a language she’s never known for herself and she feels like she’s intruding, like she’s seeing something she shouldn’t.

Winn shifts behind her, kneeing her in the shoulder and pulling her back to the night in front of her.

“Sorry, Kar.” He pats at her head absently and she leans against his thigh. His fingers comb through her hair for a moment before reaching for the popcorn bowl on the couch between him and James.

Kara tries to focus on the movie, but she can’t even remember the main character’s name at this point, let alone anything about the plot. Her ears pick up Alex’s heart beating double-time in her chest, squeezes her eyes shut when she realizes what Maggie is whispering in her sister’s ear.

Dramatic music swells suddenly and the two leads kiss on screen, overwrought and sloppy. Kara’s stomach churns and she excuses herself to the bathroom.  

The door clicks gently behind her and she wishes it would slam, wishes this quiet night was as loud as the thoughts swirling in her head. She stares at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are bluer, brighter in the vanity lights above Alex’s sink and her brow crinkles back at her reflection. She grips the sink as hard as she dares and shakes her head at herself.

She shouldn’t be thinking about this, shouldn’t be imagining what _Cat Grant’s_ arms around her would feel like, shouldn’t be wondering what Cat’s lips taste like. Kara’s pulse pounds in her throat and she’s suddenly gasping for air, shutting her eyes against her reflection. Her phone vibrates in her pocket and her fingers squeeze at the sudden intrusion. She feels the porcelain start to give and she lets go as if she’s been burned. She slides her phone out of her pocket with shaky hands and wakes up the screen.

Just a Twitter notification. Nothing at all important. Kara laughs, a breathless chuckle escaping her throat and she bites the inside of her lip, closing Twitter and opening her contacts.

She shouldn’t. She knows she shouldn’t. She doesn’t even know what she’d say, but her thumb hovers over the call screen, Cat’s name backlit and bright. She purses her lips and breathes through her nose. Heat creeps up the back of her neck and she shakes her head again.

Normally, calling Cat at this hour on a Friday night would be a fireable offense. But Cat is off _diving_ and Kara’s not even sure what _timezone_ she’s in anymore and after the last time they spoke, it feels like the rules, once so strict and clear, have bent beyond recognition.

She can still remember the way Cat squeezed her shoulders when they last embraced.

There’s a sudden knock at the door and Kara nearly drops her phone in surprise.

Alex’s voice sounds through the door, reverberating in the wood, echoing off the tiled walls. “Kara, do you want us to wait for you to start the next movie?”

Kara blinks down at the phone, Cat’s name still bright on her screen. She swallows and her thumb shifts to the button on the top of the device, holding it down until the phone shuts off.

She takes a breath and turns back to the sink. “Go ahead and start it, I’ll be right out.”

Alex hesitates for only a second before moving back into the living room. Kara turns on the tap, dipping her hands into the spray. She splashes her face and neck with the cool water before shutting off the faucet and grabbing the nearest hand towel to dry herself.

She turns off the light and exits the bathroom and doesn’t look at herself in the mirror again.

*****

Maggie falls asleep on the couch half-way through the second movie, Winn not far after. Kara is wide awake, watching but not absorbing a single frame of the film. Images play on loop through her mind.

Some she knows: the tiny uptick of Cat’s lips when something pleases her, the precise way Cat puts on her glasses when she’s ready to write and the careless way she slips them off when she’s making a point. The way she’d clenched her jaw, eyes watery, when she’d told Kara she was leaving.

The way her eyes softened before Kara hugged her.

Some exist only in Kara’s head, her mind’s earlier imaginings of laying in Cat’s arms, feeling Cat’s warmth against every inch of her own body, capturing her lips in a tender kiss drowning out all reality.

Her phone feels like lead in her pocket and she wants nothing more than to steal away, turn it back on, and do something incredibly stupid.

All too soon, the movie ends and Alex rouses Maggie just enough to help her to bed. James wakes Winn when their Lyft shows up a few minutes later. Kara helps Alex clean up the pizza boxes and popcorn crumbs and beer bottles and hopes her sister can’t see the flush she feels in her cheeks and up her chest. Hopes Alex can’t somehow sense the turmoil her mind is in.

They share a long hug as Kara makes her way to the door, Alex’s eyes searching. Kara just shakes her head.

“I’ll call you tomorrow?”

Alex nods, her thumbs rubbing soothing circles on Kara’s biceps. “Yeah.” Her hands squeeze. Kara relaxes her muscles enough to allow them some give under her sister’s hands. “You sure you’re okay?”

Kara looks away. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she says again, voice soft. She smiles, her eyes catching on the white icicle lights. She takes a breath. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Alex’s eyes are worried, but Kara turns away, walks out the door and into the quiet hallway. The rain beats a steady drum on the windows at the edges of the building. She pauses outside Alex’s door, making a decision and heading to the stairwell and climbing up.

Lightning breaks in spider cracks along the darkened clouds. Her family’s crest shines on her chest with every flash. Wind and rain whip her hair away from her face and she takes off into the sky, chasing the storm as it passes over her city.

*****

She flies aimlessly, listening to the sounds of National City at two in the morning in a winter storm. She listens for any sign, any distraction, good or bad. One heartbeat, faint and far away, pulls her attention north.

She follows it like a siren’s call.

*****

The sky shifts from inky black to slate gray as she passes into Washington state, the sun barely an ember behind Mount Saint Helens. The air is clearer here than in National City, brisker than her damp flight up the coast. She breathes in deep as she hovers above an old logging road, the scents of pine and snow and ancient volcanic ash filling her lungs.

Cat’s heartbeat is stronger here. Kara winds her way above the tree line, coming to a clearing at the edge of the forest, federal land giving way to a private development that Kara barely knew existed, has definitely never seen – Cat’s summer cabin. It’s the only habitable building for miles, tucked away at the edge of a national park, giving Cat privacy and serenity. Cat only visited the property once to Kara’s knowledge in the entire two years Kara was Cat’s assistant.

Where the beach house is sprawling and ostentatious, the cabin, while still more mansion than rustic backwoods dwelling, is homey in comparison. Kara circles around it, still breathing in the clear, pine-fresh air, and takes in the obvious craftsmanship of the wood panels, the eaves, the wooden pillars.

She stops mid-air when she reaches the back patio, a large, impressive deck overlooking a glacial lake, realizing that Cat’s heartbeat has changed. Realizing that Cat must be _awake_.

A raven _caws_ , deep and guttural, across the lake, but Kara’s attention remains on the sounds inside the house. Bare feet pad carefully from room to room. Cabinets are opened and closed. Water runs through the tap. Cat comes ever closer to the back of the cabin and Kara is transfixed, following her with her ears, convincing herself that it’s less of an intrusion than her x-ray vision.

The back door slides open and Cat walks out into the dim morning. Still dressed in loose-fitting silk pajamas and a soft cotton robe, she’s clearly not prepared for a visitor. Her face is devoid of make-up and her hair is swept back with a clip. She holds a mug up to her chin with both hands as she walks carefully to the edge of the deck, setting her elbows on the railing and breathing in the steam of her coffee. Kara thinks she looks more peaceful than she’s ever seen her.

Then she looks up.

Cat’s eyes go wide and she nearly drops her coffee. She tries to wrap her robe further around her body and straighten her hair all at once, but she never takes her eyes off Kara.

“S-Supergirl!” It’s not the name Kara wants to hear pass through Cat’s lips, but she tries not to let her disappointment show. She hovers a little lower, feet just above the edge of the deck railing.

“Wha-what are you doing here?” Cat’s eyes are still wide and it seems she can’t stop staring. The poised demeanor Kara is used to seeing, even in the face of a pending apocalypse, is nowhere in sight. She clearly didn’t think this visit through.

She flounders for a moment, eyes locked on Cat’s, mouth opening and closing, before deciding the truth is the best way forward. She touches down on the deck and Cat moves back a step to allow her room.

“I missed you.”

The sun peeks over the horizon, making the lake and Cat’s eyes glow brilliant and gold. Cat appraises Kara, squinting a little at the sudden influx of light. She reaches out a hand and Kara holds her breath. Cat’s fingers brush against the ends of her hair. She twirls a sodden lock around her finger and then gently pushes it behind Kara’s shoulder, her eyes following the movement of her hand.

“Well.” She clears her throat. “I’m sure you’re hungry after your little… _excursion_ up here. I suppose you’ll want some breakfast.” She lets her hand drop to her side and passes her coffee over with the other. “Heat that up for me, hmm?” She catches Kara’s eye for just a moment before turning and heading inside.

Kara smiles down into the barely-touched coffee and shakes her head. It’s second-nature, even after so many months apart, to use her laser vision to re-heat Cat’s coffee. She looks up when she’s finished and sees Cat watching her from the other side of the sliding glass door. Cat quirks an eyebrow and turns to move deeper into the house. Kara’s smile grows wider as she moves to follow.

*****

“You see where I’m stuck.” Cat paces across the expanse of the rug in the center of the den. “It’s not every day that a writer of my caliber chooses to use her considerable intellect and connections to expose the United States government in this manner and I have to get it right.”

Of all the reunion scenarios Kara envisioned during her flight along the Pacific coast, this was not one of them.

She’s sitting on a deep leather couch surrounded by carefully annotated research in binders, notebooks, and at last count, four tablets, all of which paint a harrowing picture of environmental abuses, corporate bailouts, and communities in peril, which were not only known by the government officials in charge of protecting those very ecosystems and communities, but perpetuated by them.

As soon as she had finished the omelets Cat had cooked, Cat handed her the first stack of research and asked her to make herself useful. One glance at the depositions Cat had obtained and Kara knew that this was a fight she very much wanted to see through to the end.

She’s been reading for hours, making comments and adjustments as Cat has asked for them, slipping easily back into the role of assistant, of proofreader, of editor, of following Cat’s every whim, knowing – just as she had when she applied for the position of executive assistant in the first place – that she could make a difference in the world at Cat Grant’s side.

Cat stops pacing in front of her, hands on her hips and cat-eye glasses perched on top of her head. She changed into fitted black slacks and a cream and red blouse after breakfast, but still looks more casual than Kara can remember seeing her – her face still devoid of make-up, her feet bare, her neck bare of her usual statement necklace. But she’s practically humming with energy, with the need to tell this story to the world and tell it right. Her cheeks are rosy in the crackling light of the fireplace and her eyes are as bright as the sun.

Kara gets a little lost watching the firelight dance across the green gems of Cat’s irises, forgets for a moment what she’s been reading, why she’s here. Has forgotten that she came here as Supergirl, not as Kara, but that doesn’t seem to matter right now.

“Have you heard a word I said?” Cat cocks her hip and Kara’s eyes follow the movement, taking in the heave of Cat’s chest and the motion of Cat’s fingers as they drum on her hipbone.

Kara blinks and hurries to meet Cat’s eyes. She expects to see annoyance there, though there was none in Cat’s tone, and finds a spark of amusement instead.

She thinks back to what Cat was saying, about being stuck, about incomplete evidence despite her thorough research and worries of libel charges. The facts are there, but putting them all in print is like untangling an impossible knot. Kara sets the tablet she’s holding on the glass table in front of her and leans back against the couch. Cat’s posture deflates and she leans over, pushing a few binders to the edge of the couch and sitting down in their place next to Kara.

“It’s an ambitious project, Miss Grant, but I think you’re missing something.”

Cat frowns at Kara’s matter-of-fact statement. Kara presses on before Cat can derail her train of thought. “I mean, the amount of research you’ve done in three short months is astounding. It’s no wonder you had to walk away from CatCo to do all of this.”

She tries to keep her voice neutral, tries to keep the sense of loss, of abandonment at bay. Cat’s brow softens and Kara knows she hasn’t quite managed it.

She picks up a notebook and flips through the pages for something to do, something to distract her from the softness and longing she sees in Cat’s eyes. She tries to focus on the task at hand, at helping Cat as best she can. Otherwise, she’ll think too hard about why she’s here, about how ridiculous she feels sitting on Cat Grant’s couch in her skirt and leotard, cape and boots discarded on the other side of the room hours ago. She’ll think about how much she’s missed this and how, when this day is over, she’ll go right back to missing it and wanting more.

Her fingers still on a page that catches her eye, a name circled in Cat’s looping scrawl. “I think you’re looking too big-picture right now.” She hands the notebook over. “There has to be something that ties Senator Harris directly to this, a-a memo or an email, something on public record that looks innocuous but is anything but. Everything you’ve gathered so far stems from his former company and its subsidiaries. He has to know something.”

Cat pulls the notebook onto her lap and runs her hand over the page. She smiles, a pleased grin that reaches her eyes by degrees.

“That’s enough for today.” She sets the notebook on the table and pulls the glasses off of her head, placing them on top of the open page, the smile never leaving her face. “Don’t you think, Kara?”

Kara blinks and her mind goes blank before her whole body floods with relief. She knows she should deny it, that she should put her cape and boots back on and fly back to National City. She knows it’s what J’onn would want, she knows it’s what Alex would say, but looking into Cat’s eyes, feeling the heat of her body and the weight of her words, she can’t. She can’t lie anymore.

She smiles, overcome suddenly with emotion and looks down at her hands curling in her lap. “If you say so, Miss Grant.”

She feels more than sees Cat wave her hand, as if shooing off her words. “Please, you don’t work for me anymore, Kara. And I think by now you’ve earned the right to call me Cat.”

Kara sucks in a breath and swallows at the lump that’s suddenly formed in her throat.

“Now, are you going to tell me why you’re really here? It shouldn’t come as a shock that I’ve missed you, too, but showing up unannounced on my doorstep, so to speak, was a bit much.”

Kara looks away, out at the lake through the bay windows across the room. It’s a question she’s been avoiding since she left Alex’s building the previous night, and not one she’s entirely sure she can answer. But she owes Cat at least an attempt at an explanation.

Kara takes a breath and turns away from the lake. She looks Cat in the eye and chooses to dive.

“Cat,” she starts, testing out the name, feeling the shape of it in her mouth. “Cat. I’m sorry for intruding. Things have been changing so fast since you left, and I’ve… I’ve been feeling… a little adrift, I guess.” Cat shakes her head, her eyes suddenly serious, and she takes Kara’s hand.

Kara’s eyelids flutter at the touch of Cat’s hand. She turns her wrist and slides her palm against Cat’s, intertwining their fingers. Cat squeezes back.

Kara’s breath stutters in her throat but she’s buoyed by Cat’s hand in her own and she continues, finally knowing what she needs to say.

“My-my sister, recently, she… we haven’t always been close, not when I first arrived, but she’s the most important person in my life.” Kara can’t help the smile on her face as she thinks of her sister.

“She’s the government agent,” Cat says softly, “the one that was with you during Myriad.”

Kara nods. “Yeah. Alex.” Cat tilts her head.

“And your foster mother, Eliza, yes? The scientist?”

“Yeah. I, uh, I wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind for proper introductions that night.”

“No, of course not.” Cat shifts, angling her body toward Kara and leaning an elbow against the back of the couch. “Why did you bring up your sister just now?”

Kara’s eyes drift back out to the lake. The sun is low in the late afternoon sky, and it glints off the wind waves, reminding Kara of the lights in Alex’s apartment. She nods to herself and looks down at her hand joined with Cat’s. “She’s gone through some changes, too, good ones. I’ve never seen her this happy before.” She breathes out slowly. “Her girlfriend, Maggie, makes her so happy.”

She pauses, gauging Cat’s reaction with a sideways glance. Cat is watching her with curious eyes, but she hasn’t let go of Kara’s hand.

“Last night, we had a movie night at Alex’s apartment, and I could hardly focus on the movies because I kept looking at the two of them, at how well they fit together, and wondering if I could ever be that happy with another person.” Kara swallows and lifts her head, her eyes never leaving Cat’s.

“Do you know who I kept picturing in my head?” she whispers, bottom lip trembling.

Cat shakes her head, mouthing the word _No,_ though no sound comes out. Kara bites her bottom lip and brings her unoccupied hand up to cup Cat’s cheek, sliding her palm against the smooth skin of her jaw.

“You,” she murmurs, her lips turning up at the corners.

Cat purses her lips and swallows reflexively, reaching up to grip Kara’s hand at her cheek. She leans closer.

“I know you’ll tell me this is a bad idea that can’t happen, but I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be held by you,” Kara pleads, her words breathless and desperate. “I can’t stop thinking about how we _fit_.”

“Oh, Kara,” Cat breathes. Her eyes close and she shakes her head but still, she leans closer. “I can’t tell you that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. We’ve been through a lot together, you and I, I won’t deny that.”

Kara’s heart leaps to her throat and she can’t help the smile that splits her face, all flashing teeth and then it’s gone again as if her smile, as she is, is afraid to hope. Cat opens her eyes and Kara is transfixed, lost in their endless depths.

“But Kara, this isn’t something we can just jump into lightly.” The words don’t match the desire, the need shining in Cat’s eyes and Kara clenches her jaw and shakes her head against them.

“I know.” Cat brushes a strand of hair away from Kara’s eyes. Kara shudders at the touch of a fingertip against her brow. “I _know_ , Cat, but you can list everything you can think of about why this won’t work and it won’t change the way I feel.” She slides her hand to the back of Cat’s neck, her thumb brushing behind her ear. “We _work._ We balance each other and we challenge each other and we care for each other, and isn’t that enough at least to _try_?”

It’s a risk, to be so bold and so forward, but Kara knows it’s the right risk. She holds Cat’s gaze, reveling in the softness of the baby fine hairs at the back of her neck against her fingers. Cat’s eyes, so round and bright in the waning afternoon sunlight, shift to some kind of determination and she moves ever closer. Kara feels the tilt of her head against her hand, feels Cat’s own hand slide and catch against the material of her suit over her ribs, and then Cat’s lips, so soft and warm, are pressing against her mouth.

Kara gasps for breath and pulls Cat closer. She pulls Cat’s bottom lip between her own and feels nails scratch against her side. Cat slants her mouth beneath Kara’s, open and wanting, and Kara is more than willing to fill the space.

She slides her tongue into Cat’s mouth, tasting her, and she knows in that instant she’ll never get enough. She presses closer, tilting her head for a better angle, delving deeper into the hot press of Cat’s willing mouth.

Cat’s hands press against her chest, fingers gripping the collar of her suit, and she pulls back, gulping in air. Kara takes advantage of the change, pressing wet kisses down Cat’s jaw and suckling along Cat’s throat.

“Kara…”

Cat cups Kara’s jaw, bringing their faces back together. Kara wastes no time, capturing Cat’s lips again eagerly. “I love the way you say my name,” Kara murmurs before diving back in. She wraps her arms around Cat, pulling her ever-closer until Cat is practically sitting on her lap. Cat pulls back, looking down into Kara’s eyes. She smiles, more content than Kara ever remembers seeing her.

“Well, if I have anything to say about it, you’ll be hearing it quite a bit more.” Cat’s smile turns impish and Kara can’t help but blush at the implication. “While I’m sure your mind went to some very interesting places just now, that’s not exactly what I meant, darling.”

Kara bites her lip, looking up at Cat through her eyelashes, not feeling at all guilty at being caught in the very sudden fantasy playing in her head.  

Cat brushes Kara’s hair away from her forehead, smoothing her hand down along her cheek. “I am looking forward to exploring this… new development more, but…” Cat trails off, the look in her eyes turning wistful.

As much as she’d like to live in this bubble of newfound bliss forever, Kara understands Cat’s hesitance. She finds it nearly impossible not to appreciate Cat’s sense of obligation and duty, her need to finish what she’s started. After the afternoon they’ve spent together and the fact that Kara is still sitting here in her supersuit, she understands Cat’s need to pull back. So she nods, and her possessive grip loosens, even as she leans forward to place a chaste kiss on Cat’s lips.

“But you’re here, and I have to get back to National City,” she whispers, finishing Cat’s thought. She tucks a lock of loose blonde hair behind Cat’s ear, studying the regret she sees on Cat’s face. “But maybe instead of months of radio silence, you could call me next time you’re stuck? Or, if it won’t be too distracting, I could come back up next weekend? I _can_ break the sound barrier, you know.” She can’t keep the hopeful tone out of her voice and Cat smiles with a slight shake of her head.

“And the one after that, and the one after that, hmm?”

Kara shrugs and looks away with a smirk. “The thought had crossed my mind…”

Cat leans in again. “You are _definitely_ a distraction, Kara Danvers.” She kisses Kara lightly. “But you were right when you said we work well together. And maybe I need a distraction every now and then to keep this story afloat.”

Kara smiles. “Yeah?”

“Mm,” Cat intones, shifting back against the couch.

*****

The wind is cold and crisp on Kara’s face as she soars high above the Pacific Ocean. The stars shine above her in the moonless sky.

Kara lets her mind drift back along the day, to Cat’s smile, the furrow of her brow as she concentrated on getting her story right, the taste of her lips and the warmth of her embrace. She thinks of how she only has to wait a week to see Cat again, to spend days, not just mere hours, at her side.

She thinks of how everything has changed in just a day.

Kara smiles as the lights of National City come into view, and she thinks maybe change isn’t so scary after all.

 

_End._


End file.
